Dear Abbi,

I’m having boy issues!  So, my guy happens to also be my gynecologist.  I see him about every 6 months or so, sort of a long distance relationship-but after my last visit, he called me to come in again for some “tests”.  He called me on my cell and my work line and left a really touching, heartfelt message about how he’d really like to see me again.  First of all, I can tell that this is a defining moment in our relationship.  He never calls, but that’s because he is extremely busy.  I feel like he has taken a huge step and I could tell by his tone that it is really important to him that I come in and see him-he even used the words, “dire”, “emergency”, and “life-threatening”.  I’ve been in relationship before, but I’ve never been desired and seduced in this way.  So, my question is this: So far, I’ve been playing a bit hard to get, but I’ve been dying to show him how I really feel.  He’s obviously planning something exciting-should I still bring the collage I made him, or let him be the showrunner of the romance?

Patient Patient.

Dallas, Texas

Dear Patient,

I don’t want to scare you, but I think something might be wrong with your body.  I would say hold off on the collage, because it might not be a fun thing to look at while you’re taking all those tests.  I don’t want to say you’re definitely wrong about how this man feels about you, but I do know that just because he has technically been down in your nether-regions, that does not mean you are seeing each other.  I know that for a fact. I would remove the word Romance from this situation. I actually don’t think I should even be responding to that part of your letter, because I think the real issue here is that something is terribly wrong.  Something physically inside you is causing medical emergencies and your alias that you’ve chosen is scaring me because you should be anything but a “Patient Patient”.  Things are not going well with your body and I THINK YOU NEED TO GO SEE THE DOCTOR RIGHT NOW.

Best of Luck,

Abbi