Dear Abbi,

I’ve always thought of myself as a perfectionist.  I run a successful fitness company in Manhattan and I know all of my employees by name-and sometimes even their birthdays.  I think I’m really good with people and have a knack for details, but now, I’m just lost.  I am lost.  It first happened at my mother’s house at Yom Kippur dinner back in September.  I could not tell my older twin brothers Kenny and Joshua apart.  I didn’t know who was Kenny and who was Joshua.  I thought I would be able to tell at some point throughout the night who was who when their names came up in conversation, but we mainly discussed my mom’s arthritis.  I’m just so afraid I will never know which one is Kenny.  Kenny is my favorite and is the only person I’ve told about my engagement.  I can talk to him on the phone, but sometimes, I’m still not sure if it is him.  They hang out together a lot, and their voices sound so similar.  What should I do?  I can’t go on like this forever, and I’m not ready to tell my whole family I’m engaged.

Sincerely,

Brothers & Sisters

Annapolis, Maryland

Dear Brothers & Sisters,

This sounds like a tricky situation.  I am never around twins, so it’s hard for me to even imagine 2 people looking exactly the same-let alone in the same room together.  If nothing at first glance can give you a hint of who is who, I have a few ideas.  You could bring Kenny a gift, and just hold the gift out to the both of them and whoever takes the gift is Kenny.  Unless Joshua is an asshole(which he seems like he is) he might take the gift and then you’ll think he’s Kenny-so that could be a bad idea.  You could go into another room and scream, “Kenny” and whoever runs in, is Kenny.  Unless Joshua tries to beat Kenny because he thinks it’s a race to get to you first-which he probably will.  My last idea is that you could host a costume party where you ask people to dress up as their favorite animal.  You’ll know which one Kenny is by what he’s wearing.  Knowing Joshua, he’ll probably try to guess Kenny’s favorite, but because he’s such an asshole, he’ll probably guess wrong.  If you don’t know Kenny’s favorite animal, I don’t know what to say.

As for your engagement, that’s a dilemma.  No one wants to hear about engagements, especially when they’re in your own family, so I would really focus your energy on figuring out who Kenny is so you don’t have to share that information with anyone else. 

Best of luck,

Abbi