November 20, 2009
Shamsandballsandnailsandtupperware.

Dear Abbi,

I am thinking of starting a small business.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to make infomercials.  I own a camera, and I know some people in the business, How I can get in touch with some of the inventors of these products.  Anything you could offer I would really appreciate.

Thanks!

Shamsandballs

Denver, Colorado

Dear Shamsandballs,

That’s awesome that you have figured out what you want to do with your life!  Congrats!  But, if I were you I’d keep your day job as you pursue this goal.  Jumping blindly into the fantastical world of infomercials can be daunting and intimidating, so beware.  A lo of people don’t know this about me, but I was actually in an infomercial in 1993 featuring an exclusive nail care product created specifically for 7 year olds looking to go into manicure/pedicure careers.  It was fiercely competitive and I found myself in a deep depression after the nail care 20-year career plan portfolio enhancer shoot.  I don’t know much about you, and for all I know you could be cut out for this line of work.  But I do know that it’s intense, it’s manic, and it’s physical, so make sure your heads on right before you dive deep into the world of infomercials.

Best of luck!

Abbi

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November 19, 2009
Such a Herb

Dear Abbi,

Why are Grandfather clocks called Grandfather clocks?

Herb

Fairfield, Arkansas

Dear Herb,

You got me!  I have no idea!

Best of luck,

Abbi

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November 18, 2009
Hairs

Dear Abbi,

I have been noticing a change in the overall behavior of human beings since I got my new haircut.  There seems to be uproar about health care, our financial crisis, wars, and just more attitude in general.  This has all started happening since I got my last haircut.  I was thinking of getting a bob for the holidays, but I’m really nervous how the world will react.  Help!

Splitting Hairs

Topplefield, Oregon

Hi Splitting Hairs,

I remember when you got that haircut, and to be honest I was really surprised and alarmed.  I think that was the day I installed an alarm system in my house.  People were up in arms about it and it caused a chain reaction across the country leading of course (which I’m sure you hate talking about) to those Geese that attacked that plane that almost killed all those people.  Thank the lord for Sully.  If I’m correct I believe it also led to that scandal on Craigslist with that massage meet-up, the new found popularity of the cosi-club, and of course the death of beloved Patrick Swayze.  I think that you should not get your hair cut again.  At least until we all have health insurance, peace in the middle east, and a more green alternative to the unlimited monthly metrocard.  Long, long, long hair is making a comeback.

Best of luck!

Abbi

10:01am  |   URL: http://dearabbi.tumblr.com/post/248504979